Accidentally making out with Eric's armpit

I hate it when I accidentally make out with Eric's armpit. It happens at night, while we're sleeping, or while Eric is sleeping and I've just gotten into bed. Just last night, I accidentally made out with Eric's armpit at least two, maybe three times.

If you're standing facing our bed, I sleep on the righthand side, and Eric sleeps on the lefthand side. The problems start when Eric sleeps with his left arm over his head. He likes to put his left arm over his head, and very seldom does he put his right arm over his head. More often than not, he has one or both hands guarding his crotch, but they were off duty last night.

Sometimes, when I get into bed, the room is already dark, and I'll snuggle in and give Eric a few goodnight kisses on what I fondly believe is his shoulder or face. Unfortunately for me, when Eric is sleeping with his left arm over his head, I end up lovingly making out with his armpit. In the case of last night, I was already sleeping, and had rolled over and apparently started snuggling in my sleep. Being a besotted bride, I must have given Eric a couple kisses in my sleep...but was awoken by the slightly dewy moist flesh that met my lips. Not to mention, the faint smell that met my nostrils was one that was distinct and unique to...you guessed it. Armpits.

This happened more than once. Like I said, it may have happened up to three times. I must have been in a very cuddly mood last night. But I am VERY upset about it today.

My finger is stinky like feet

So you know how I chopped my finger? And how the doctor at the clinic recommended the finger condoms? I've been wearing the finger condoms a lot, they keep my bandaids from picking up dirt. But since they're made out of latex and don't allow my finger to breathe, I think my finger sweats and the sweat soaks into the bandaids and fester, so that when I take off the finger condom, the bandaids are moist, and my finger smells like feet! Stinky feet!

I thought maybe I was being paranoid, and maybe the bandaids just smelled like rubbery latex with Polysporin. So when Eric got home, I casually took off my finger condom, thrust my finger under his nose and said, "Hey, does this smell funny to you?". And he freaked out! He said my finger was very stinky, and that I had to stop wearing the finger condoms all the time. Then he told me to stop sniffing my finger. But it's difficult, because I know it's not actually feet, but it smells like feet, and I can't stop sniffing it. It's gross, and I'm gross.

I went and had a shower, with the finger condom on. And when I got out, I took it off again, and I think that being in the warm steamy shower made the stink worse! So just to make sure, I casually walked into the computer room where Eric was, thrust my finger under his nose and said "Hey, I just had a shower, smell my finger now". He paused to let the scent waft out, thinking it would smell like soap or shampoo. Then he got very upset. He said it smelled REALLY bad now, and I wasn't to wear the finger condom anymore. Then he told me to stop sniffing my finger again.

It really smells bad.

Owwwwwwwww II

You're not going to believe this, I chopped a big cut into my left middle finger with a cleaver last night. It was painful upon painful. It's on the neighbour of the finger off of which I grated a chunk about a month ago. I also chopped off a piece of the ring finger on the same hand when I was in grade 10 Family Studies. My wedding and engagement rings don't even fit on the hand anymore because the whole thing is kind of swollen.

I was making a seafood lasagna, and making it up as I went along. I had been planning it for over a week and I was very excited. I had peeled and de-veined the shrimp, cleaned and sliced the mushrooms, and was chopping up an onion...I was on the last piece of onion and my hand slipped, just as I gave a mighty and enthusiastic chop with the cleaver. It was necessary to be enthusiastic with the cleaver because it had dulled a bit over the years. I know how to preach the dangers of using a dull knife, and yesterday I feel I gave a fantastic demonstration of that lesson. Anyway, the cleaver sliced clean through the side of my nailbed, and hacked a big gash on the left-diagonal tip of my finger.

I. Freaked. Out.

Then I remembered that Eric's sister Haley was over, and I didn't want to freak her out too much. So I tried to be cheeky and cool about it. Plus, it's embarassing to have your husband's 14 year old sister see you having a panicked crying wail over your finger boo-boo.

So we bandaged it up, blood gushing everywhere. It took several tries, as every time I took away the tissue I was holding onto tightly, the blood would pour out. Haley had to go get a whole other paper towel. But finally, one time I pulled it away, quickly smeared some Polysporin on it, and Eric pressed a bandaid onto it. Then I kept on applying more bandaids until it was all covered and secure.

Before this was all done though, I did get a good look at the cut, and it's big. Like at least 3-4mm deep, and possibly a full 1cm wide. On the tip of my finger, I think that's a lot! I should ask Simon Chan, he would know. But in any case, my finger looks like a muppet's head, the way the gash gaped open. Specifically, it looks like Bert's head.

I got to work today and couldn't handle the pain, so Eric came back to get me and we went to a walk-in clinic. Doctor Engineer (that was his name!) said that he would redress it and maybe put a steri-strip on it, but then he saw my stellar bandaging job and didn't want to move it. He said that my awesome bandaiding skills had created the same effect as stitches, and that I should leave the bandaids on for about a week. He said to buy these finger cots, which are basically finger condoms. They're to keep the bandaids clean. He also recommended no programming because my hand should be elevated. I came back to work anyway. I can type with one hand. I do however, look like I'm giving the finger to everyone who comes in the room, due to my arm being propped up on my armrest with the middle finger loosely extended.

Spinach Dip

I make awesome spinach dip, I really do. I wasn't going to get all puffed up about it a few years ago when I just started tinkering with spinach dip, but now I really have no choice.

It all started back in my first year, when I was friends with a cheerleader named Cookie (does this sound like the beginning of a porn story?). She had a party for her 23rd birthday and made a spinach dip off of which I could not keep my hands (definitely sounds like the beginning of a porn story). After that party, I became obsessed with spinach dip, and made RSVP decisions based on whether anyone was bringing spinach dip.

By the time second year rolled around, I had discovered Costco spinach dip. It came in two large cylindrical containers shrinkwrapped together and tasted mostly okay. Unfortunately, I got sick of it real quick.

In third year, I started looking for a spinach dip recipe of my own. I tried a few...but some were too sour creamy, some were too mayo-y, some were too spinachy. I wouldn't even touch the cream cheese ones. I don't like cream cheese. And then one day, it happened. I had combined and tweaked all the right combinations of spinach dip recipes and had come up with one that was perfect for me. And it was low-fat too!

But like I said, I wasn't about to get puffed up about it. Some people like more sour cream or fat or whatever in their spinach dip. My own humble concoction was simply one that I loved. Often. But when I started making the dip for gatherings, the rave reviews started pouring in, and my head started getting very puffy (this would be a good time to point out the puffiness of my ass again...insert snarky self-deprecating ass comment here).

But luckily for all of you, I'm not a selfish recipe monster so here, as promised, is my spinach dip recipe. Have fun, Hilda!

Ingredients:
1 package chopped frozen spinach, thawed and drained
1 small can of water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1/3 cup chopped green onion
1 cup non-fat sour cream
2/3 cup low-fat mayo
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp seasoning salt
2 tsp dried parsley

Instructions:
Mix it all together and serve with cubed up pumpernickel and crusty italian bread. I like using two kinds of bread to make it look prettier, but you can just go with one if you like.

This recipe is very forgiving, and the measurements are mostly guidelines. I've made it so many times now, I've started eye-balling everything, and as long as the sour cream : mayo ratio is mostly right, everything else falls into place. Presentation in a bread bowl is optional. I stopped doing this because A) after you use the bread for the bowl, there isn't much left for dipping, so you almost have to buy two pumpernickel loaves to have enough bread and B) the bread bowl looks disgusting after people have scooped out all the spinach dip. It's just wet and whiteish all along the inside with bits of drying spinach stuck on it, and it looks like garbage. Some people say that after the dip is gone, their guests will rip up the bread bowl and eat it as well. These people perhaps have raccoons for guests.

My Cousin Loy Sucks

If you look on the list of Links on the side of this page, you will find a link to Loy and Cecilia's Blog. Loy is a cousin on my dad's side of the family, and I'm crazy about his kids. But Loy, he sucks.

You will notice that on his list of postings, there is one entitled Chan/Kong/Chiu/Yu Christmas. You will also notice that neither my picture or Eric's appears in the ones posted. You know why? Because Loy had a Chan/Kong/Chiu/Yu Christmas party WITHOUT US.

What is that? WHAT IS THAT??

I can think of only one excuse, and it is this: Eric got a call/msn message from Loy on Thursday December 22nd or Friday December 23rd, asking if we wanted to come over for "A last minute dinner with Elaine and Gary and the kids." Unfortunately, we had tickets to go see Blue Man Group with my brother downtown. If this Chan/Kong/Chiu/Yu Christmas party is the same as "A last minute dinner with Elaine and Gary and the kids", then mollification may be in the cards. But still, "A last minute dinner with Elaine and Gary and the kids" is very different from a big cousins gathering with Elaine and Gary and Jocelyn and Matthew and Carrie and Peter and Jordan and Taylor and Grace and Francis and Christie and Corinne - in addition to Loy and Cecilia and Kendall and Trinity and Duncan. Very different. And there was KFC! Come on!

But if this isn't the case, and a Chan/Kong/Chiu/Yu Christmas party occured excluding us, I plan to hate Loy forever. And I will steal his kids and keep them for myself.

Loy, you suck.