I'm An Awesome Jerk

We finally got our greedy paws on a Wii Fit!

To be honest, I wasn't that excited about Wii Fit. I didn't understand the hype. Why would anyone want to ruin a delightful passtime like videogaming by throwing in gross exercise? Isn't it enough that I wiggle my thumb and click buttons simultaneously?

But I'm so chunky I'm practically a rectangle. Starting in the new year, I have been trying to get my body to stop looking so blockish. I have been going to the gym every other day, and I have kept my eye out for a Wii Fit. I heard those stories about those people who lost 20lbs playing Wii Fit. I wanted to be one of those people.

Yesterday I went to visit my parents, and my mom and I went to the mall. While walking past Toys R' Us, I saw a little girl struggle by, hauling a slim box with a handle. I saw that it was a Wii Fit. So I punched that little girl in the mouth and ran off with her Wii Fit. I could hear her crying and screaming, but I made it to my car and drove away.

After dropping the game off at my parents' house, I called my mom on her cell phone and went back to the mall to pick up her and Dylan.

Okay no, that didn't happen. But I did dart into Toy R' Us and ask if they had any Wii Fits in stock. And when I saw that they did, I bought one. Yes!!!

I have been playing Wii Fit in almost every spare moment since then (I took a break this morning to dig up my turnip and sell it in Animal Crossing - good times). I love the Balance Games! I am awesome at them. By "awesome" I mean "way better than Eric".

Tonight I finally went to try the Soccer Balance Game. You have to shift your weight from side to side in order to hit soccer balls with your head while avoiding cleats and beheaded panda mascots. I recalled that Eric had proclaimed this game to be "difficult" and "tricky". His high score was 99. I started playing and it was indeed tricky. I found the hardest part was hitting the balls that came at you right near the middle (that's what she said). But after a couple of tries I was getting scores that were over three times higher than Eric's!

He came out to see how I was doing and was impressed and awed by my soccer ball hitting prowess. He encouraged me and cheered me on. But this was not enough for me.

Carol: "Do you want to try?"

Eric: "No it's okay. I'm going to call Chris, I have to talk to him about some work stuff."

Carol: "Come on, come try! Here, I'll set it up for you..."

Eric: "No, really. Maybe later."

Carol: "Come now! I want you to try and then be really bad so I feel even MORE awesome!"

Eric: "...that's why you want me to try?"

Carol: "HERE YOU GO, IT'S ALL READY!!"

And so Eric tried. And he did much better than his original high score of 99. But even so, his "Personal Best" didn't rank in the top ten.

Carol: "Oh boy. Eric, GOOD FOR YOU. A new 'Personal Best'. Gosh, too bad it's still not even as good as my worst score. HAHA!!!! LOSER!!!!"

I am a beautiful person.


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UPDATE:
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After writing this blog post, I went and kept playing the soccer game on the beginner level, and after a few tries I got a PERFECT SCORE! I hit every single soccer ball and avoided every cleat and panda head!! This results in a score of 555. I SO TOTALLY ROCK!!

Dylan is a Hungry Hungry Hippo

Earlier this week I woke up all groggy to the sound of Dylan complaining his head off from his room. It sounded something like "I have been lying here for a long time woman, when are you coming to get me?" So I got out of bed and allowed him to keep bitching while I went pee, brushed my teeth, and went to the kitchen to heat up his breakfast of organic oatmeal with apples, cinnamon, and ground chia seeds.

Sidebar: Remember Chia Pets (Ch-ch-ch-chia!)? Turns out the seeds that served as their nutrient source are like the most nutrient-rich whole food on the entire planet. Aztecs used to survive on chia seeds when they went on...big hunting camping trips? I can't remember the actual quote. But you can get them at health food stores and we sprinkle it on as much of Dylan's food as we can get away with.

So while I was in the kitchen I noticed that two cereal bowls were rinsed and sitting by the sink. Weird, cause why did Eric use two cereal bowls? Then I thought there was considerably less oatmeal in the container than I had expected. Weird, cause I thought I had just made that batch two days ago? Then after everything was heated up I filled a sippy cup with water and took everything out to set up on the table. And sitting on the table was a sippy cup all filled and ready to go. Weird, cause did Eric put that there? In preparation for me?

I went to get Dylan and he was in a good mood. We snuggled and said good morning to his favourite stuffed animals. Then I brought him out to the dining room and suddenly it occured to me that maybe Eric had already gotten up and fed him once this morning. Two cereal bowls, less oatmeal than expected in the container, and a prepared sippy cup! I called Eric and sure enough I was so zonked out that I had no idea he had gotten up with Dylan much earlier, fed him, changed him, played with him, and put him back down for a nap. Huh.

Anyway, that heated bowl of oatmeal went back in the fridge - I wasn't going to feed it to Dylan again but Eric can eat garbage out of a toilet and still not get sick, so he could have it the following morning. When I told him this, he got very excited because he lives for Dylan's delicious organic leftover scraps.

So the next morning, father and son woke up together and each had a big bowl of oatmeal with apples, cinnamon, and ground chia seeds. Eric was horrified at how filling Dylan's breakfast is. Ground chia seeds have a lot of insoluble fibre so they fill you up fast and keep you feeling full. And we load in as much as the oatmeal can hold without turning into sawdust paste. Eric felt almost uncomfortably full after eating that bowl of oatmeal. Dylan felt fine and still wanted to share my granola cereal.

That same day, as another example, Dylan and I had lunch.

I ate:
- 2 extra large scrambled eggs
- 1 piece of dry flax toast

I felt bloated afterwards.

Dylan ate:
- 2 extra large scrambled eggs
- 1 piece of dry flax toast
- 1/4 avocado
- 1 banana

He then tried to bully me into making him more eggs. When I refused, he lay on his stomach and dragged himself around the ground for exercise.

Who are the medical professionals out there? What are the chances Dylan has some kind of...I don't know thyroid problem? What controls appetite?

You can imagine how happy he makes my Chinese relatives.