Dylan and the Reverse Gay Poo Boner

On Saturday, Dylan ate a ton of food, as per usual. For breakfast he ate some apple cinnamon oatmeal and plain yogurt with 10% milk fat. For lunch he ate an omelette with kale and green onions and a bowl of blueberries and strawberries. And for dinner he ate 1/4 pound of dijon baked salmon, a head of broccoli, a kiwi fruit, 8 blackberries, and a bit of egg from a shrimp dish my mom made.

He then proceeded not to poo for nearly 24 hours. Eric and I were becoming a little concerned because we knew how much stuff was backed up in there. Luckily, around dinnertime last night as I was preparing Dylan's repast of yet more salmon, this time with green beans and peppers, Eric galloped past the kitchen on his way to Dylan's room with the baby held aloft triumphantly in his arms proclaiming happily, "He made a stinky! He made a stinky!!"

A few seconds ticked by, and then Eric called out to me excitedly, "Carol! You have to come see this poo!!" So I dropped what I was doing and ran over. I love looking at poo.

Dylan was lying on the change table gumming a teething toy. Eric pointed at Dylan's diaper which had not yet been taken off. And there, rising majestically out of his butt was a great protruberance. It tented his diaper. It looked like a boner. Except it was made of poo. And it was from the butt...and was coming out of it instead of going in. I immediately christened it the Reverse Gay Poo Boner.

I'm pretty sure this means Dylan needs more fluids.

Glutton in Training - A Short Diatribe

Dylan eats like a starving animal. I know that babies go through growth spurts and maybe 10 months is just one of those times. But I think it's ridiculous.

Yesterday for lunch he ate:

- an omelette made from 1 organic egg, a big handful of organic kale, 1 organic cremini mushroom and 1 stalk of organic green onion
- 1/2 a supermarket 1/2-pint container of organic raspberries
- 1 organic kiwi fruit
- 1/4 organic avocado

But since we were at a restaurant, his eyes wandered over to our food, so he also ate:

- the squishy inside of 1 wedge of a giant green-onion-sesame-seed-fried-cake thing
- 3 pieces of very spicy beef brisket

This sort of eating is a regular occurance. When we go to dim sum restaurants, you can see his mouth watering as the food comes to the table, and then he shrieks like he's frantic we're not going to give him any, and then he hoovers it down like a tortured prisoner. At dim sum, he likes to eat:

- the beefy insides of the beef noodle roll
- steamed BBQ pork buns - the whole thing, including the BBQ pork
- steamed chicken and mushroom buns - the whole thing including the chicken and mushroom
- panfried turnip cakes
- steamed beefy balls
- siu mai (steamed pork and shrimp dumplings)
- bean curd rolls with mushrooms and other vegetarian stuff inside
- chicken and shitake mushrooms in a rice hot pot
- congee, any kind

He also loves all berries and fruit. Thank god his digestive system has improved, and he breaks down his food more before he poops it out. For the longest time, blueberries were his favourite fruit, but the poo came out smelling like delicious blueberry muffins. It was horrible, I can't stand the smell of real blueberry muffins anymore. I also can't stand the smell of blueberry or mixed berry yogurt. It's all poo to me.

I look into the future of this child and I see obesity. Obesity and joy.