My old roommate Gloria has an unfortunate habit of messing up her sayings and making them turn out wrong. I enjoy them so much, I need to share them with the blogsphere.
People sometimes add the word "ass" to the end of an adjective to give it extra oomph.
Examples: Big-ass rock, Dumb-ass boyfriend, Stupid-ass father.
Two days ago, Gloria called me up to have the following conversation:
Gloria: "Why are there no good guys out there? I haven't had sex in AGES!"
Carol: "There are, you just need to stop being so impossibly picky. You're so impossibly picky 99% of the time, that you never get any sex. And then that 1% of the time occurs when you get so desperate that you'll have sex with a hobo. Then you accidentally fall in love with the hobo and become scarred for life. Then you become impossibly picky again."
Gloria: "It's not fair!! Why can't I just have some sex? I JUST WANT SOME REGULAR, NORMAL-ASS SEX!!"
Carol: "You...you want some ass-sex?"
Eric: (eavesdropping) "Oh my god."
I am so happy that Gloria is hanging out with us again.
4 comments:
"Normal" ass sex?
Maybe she typically considers it more of a special occasion kind of thing?
I wonder what she considers "abnormal" ass-sex... I'm not sure i've watched enough porn to comment, though, so this is all I'm saying on this subject.
I'm guessing "abnormal" would have something to do with a pine cone.
Wow.
I had to shift in my seat just typing that.
In case anyone else was deciding on being experimental, let me save you the trouble. Normal ass-sex is much better than abnormal pine cone sex. And it's even more irritating when you use a pinecone that has yet to fall from the tree. Although now I no longer wonder what it would be like to make love to a porcupine...
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