Eric and I popped into Williams Sonoma Yorkdale this past weekend to visit David while he was working. From my brief stint at this store last Christmas, I made a few friends who still recognize me (one of them thinks Eric is uber hot, so he likes stopping by a lot). One of them, an older Vietnamese-or-some-other-kind-of-Asian-so-I-can't-tell-what-kind-she-is-at-least-I-know-she's-not-Chinese-okay-so-sue-me woman greeted me in loud tones.VietWoman: "Hallo! Oh!! Pregnant already!!!"
Carol: "Uhh.....nooo. Are you saying I look fat?!"
VietWoman: "Ahh...ahhhh.....ahhhhh.....No!! No...just...ahhhh.....yes."
Carol: "What?!!"
VietWoman: "Ahh.....ahhhh.....haha....ahhh, you know. Hay! Shoodint wait too long, you know!! Better for doing sooner!!"
Carol: "Are you trying to cover up for calling me fat?"
VietWoman: "Ahhh....ahhhh....haha, no!! Ahhh....."
Carol: "Okay, I better get back to shopping. I'll talk to you later."
VietWoman: "Ahhh...ahhhh.....ahhhh....."
I immediately vowed not to disclose this most embarrassing conversation to anybody ever. Five minutes later, I told everyone behind the cash counter in the store. Fifteen minutes later, I told Eric and David. That evening, I told Eric's entire family. And four days later, on this overcast Thursday morning, I am telling you. I reveal my shame. If I was any less embarrassed, I would put a jihad on that woman's family, but I'm secretly mortified. So I'm just going to eat a plate of mozza sticks and onion rings and drink the tears that fall from my face and roll off the ripples of my voluminous paunch, collecting in the watertight chalice formed by my blooming adipose tissue-filled thighs and groin area with a straw. I hope I don't accidentally end up drinking my own pee.
5 comments:
Gael Carol!
You're a celebrity! (sorta.. depending on her readership... )
I liked your secret text that faded into your background colour, and that I had to highlight with my mousey in order to finish reading the long description of the tiny vietnamese woman who was a c.u.n.t.
....but....you're in the healthy rage for your age/height....you have to be... otherwise the world as I know it may crumble and die around me as I walk...
So what if stupid head is anorexic.
She's stupid.
we're drunk and we just don't understand this "secret text" buisness that the soup na(t)zi is talking about. we're also recalling the time that you told us that a woman should have enough tits and ass so a man can mount her against a wall. thats you now you hot whore. You should come visit us again. We can get tanked and eat deep fry and celebrate our luscious breasts. YOU ARE HOT! FUCK THAT VIETNAMESE WHORE!!
Much much love,
ThePeach and The Hippie
Dear sweet friends,
My paunch and I appreciate your support and love. You may all play with my paunch whenever you wish.
ThePeach and TheHippie,
Soup Na(t)zi is talking about viewing the blog from Firefox instead of Explorer, which does a weird thing where it doesn't know how to wrap-around the text if you hyphenate everything. I love you whores. I love you so much, from deep in my heart to deep in my loins, and looping back around to deep in my ass.
Soup Na(t)zi,
I liked your spelling of c.u.n.t.
Anon,
You're nice to me, I am technically still within healthy range. VietWoman is also a short squat round ball of squished face tubbiness. I highly doubt she is anorexic, she's probably just a dumbass. She makes me sad.
Love to all my friends, fat love!
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