Oh no.

Happy Holidays everybody!! It's the day after New Year. Our Christmas celebrations went off normal - lots of family and not enough sleep. Dylan was spoiled completely rotten and now we're trying to find places in the condo for all his prezzies.

Earlier this week our halfie environmentalist accountant friend Rob came from Ottawa to visit with his new wife Amanda. Amanda is great because she openly talks about poo and other bodily secretions, as well as all gooey things related to pregnancy and childbirth. They are the most excited out of anyone I've ever known to procreate. She's been charting her cycles "for fun" and playing with her vag goo for a few weeks lately to try to learn when and how her body responds when it is ovulating. We talked about these things over dinner, as well as a few VERY revealing private stories regarding stomach flu and all that comes with it. Suffice it to say, Rob loves Amanda very very much and has proved it beyond any shred of real or imagined doubt. Good on ya, Rob.

In return, I had very few stories to offer up. All my "scandalous" and "embarrassing" stories had already been told and rehashed several times. There's only so many times that Eric can puke in my mouth. I felt very inadequate. I mentioned how I once popped Eric's freak-occurance butt-zit. But Amanda had popped a zit Rob had on the underside of his thigh, so it was almost the same thing. Sad times for attention-hungry Carol.

That night, my body decided to give me some more ammunition. It wanted to help me out and get me back in the game. We were up late playing board games before Rob and Amanda left, and it took us a little while to get to bed. By the time we fell asleep we were completely exhausted and slept the sleep of the nearly dead. In my dreams, I did many things including going to Costco with my mother and playing with Dylan. Several times, I dreamt I went to the kitchen to pee in the dishwasher. During one of those dream trips, I peed for a long time. There was a lot of pee going into that dishwasher, I couldn't stop.

I woke up and I had wet the bed.

I PEED THE BED.

My pants were hot and sopping wet, clinging to my ass. The sheets were soaked. I, a grown woman, a mother of one, a practitioner of good personal hygiene, had lost control of my bladder and released its contents in my sleep.

I woke Eric up and he changed the sheets while I got in the shower to clean off my peed-on body.

It's so embarrassing. Happy New Year everyone.