Cuban Gaycation

At the end of October, Eric and I went to Cuba for our gay friends' wedding. Wikkid trip. We were a group of about 17 people, and here's the best part: we left Dylan at home with my parents. The uninterrupted sleep! The alcohol at all hours!! The sheer bliss!!!

For serious though, we missed him like like crazy mofos.

But this trip was amazing. One of he gays is still complaining that the weather wasn't consistently hot as hell enough but as far as I'm concerned, it was a fantastic trip.

Here are two short highlights:

You Don't Want Carol as Your Officiant
Gay David is my oldest friend in the entire world (with the exception of my imaginary friend Ah Cho who, at the age of five, could drive a car and take me to the supermarket). When he asked me to officiate this ceremony, I was honoured and delighted to accept. I spent hours creating a short but sweet personal ceremony that spoke to the love between my oldest friend and the love of his life, and also to the close friendships between those of us who had made the journey to witness this beautiful union. I cried while writing it, I cried while rehearsing it, and I cried while previewing it to David for approval. Then I screwed it up.

Here's what I SHOULD have said:
"Neil, I've known David since we were six years old. And I have never seen him as happy as he is when he's with you."

Here's what I ACTUALLY said:
"Neil, I've known David since we were six years old. And I have never semen as happy as he is when he's with you."

I rock. It's even on video, because of course Eric filmed the whole thing.

Carol is a Bad Wife
Eric had a great time on this trip. He drank many cervesas and partied with Grant's friend "Ron" every day. On our second night, most of us went to the discoteca for some dancing good times. Eric tore up the dancefloor! I think that since having a son, he has felt the pressure to be a good example, and one of the things he wants for Dylan is to be an outgoing fun-loving guy. As a result, he is putting in a lot of effort to let loose and be an outgoing fun-loving guy himself. So he bounced and bopped on that dancefloor like it was going out of style. And he had a revelation: Eric LOVES to dance in a discoteca. He couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun! And he couldn't wait to go back.

Two nights later, people were discussing what to do in the evening.

Eric: "LET'S GO TO THE DISCOTECA!!"

So we agreed, it would be a discoteca night. But as is typical of my friends, lameness and tiredness set in early that day, and by the time it was one hour till the discoteca opened more than half the group were in their rooms. And the people who were left were fading fast. Well, Eric and I were anyway. But Eric had a plan! He disappeared for about 20 minutes and came back with a Red Bull and three enormous shots of vodka. After downing two of the shots and most of the can of Red Bull, he was READY TO GO!! He was jittery and bouncing up and down in the seat next to me. I did not have the energy for this.

Carol: "Hey Eric?"

Eric: "DISCOTECA!!!"

Carol: "Hey babe? Eric?"

Eric: "DISCOTECA!!!"

Carol: "You know, if we go back to the room, there's a discoteca in my pants...you can, you know. Dance in there."

Eric: "Ooooh!!!"

Everyone else: "Don't do it Eric."

Carol: *nudge nudge*

Eric: "Yeah, okay!!! DISCOTECA IN THE PANTS!!!"

So we left. You can probably imagine what happened next. We were walking back to the room.

Eric: "YEAH!! DISCOTECA IN YOUR PANTS!!!"

Carol: "Yeah, no. The discoteca's closed. We're going to sleep."

Eric: "...Dammit."

The best part is that the exact same thing happened the following night. This time I let him believe the discoteca in my pants was open all the way until we got into bed. He reached over and sexily started to hug and kiss me.

Eric: "Mmmm, yeah it's time for discoteca..."

Carol: "Hmm. No, there's no discoteca tonight. I'm really tired, we're going to sleep."

Eric: "DAMMIT!! You promised me!! YOU PROMISED ME DISCOTECA!!!!"

Carol: "Shhhshhhshhh...get the light."

Hahahahahaaahahahahahaaaa...yeah, I'm awesome. And Eric is still bitter.