Ah shit.

This is currently published in Status form on my Facebook, but it deserves a blog post too.

Dylan has been guzzling some truly awful vegan protein shakes in the morning. It's called Vega, and it's basically ground up vegetables, and it's disgusting. Eric drinks it, so Dylan wanted to have what Daddy was having. As a result, he now loves the stuff and consumes nearly an adult size serving every day. It makes his poo green and runny.

I think you can see where this is going.

We got home this afternoon from a weekend up at Horseshoe Valley for my Grampa's 85th birthday. It's a step down from the Caribbean cruise we all took for his 80th, but he's become much less able to travel in the past five years, so Horseshoe Valley was a good alternative. We were totally exhausted when we got home, and were planning to chill out and relax for the remainder of our Sunday.

Dylan started exhibiting cranky sleepy signals, so we ran his bath and started his bedtime routine. I was watching him in the bath when Eric came in to take over, and as I looked up to say something to him I heard a fart noise. I looked back at Dylan, saying "Baby, did you just fart?" Eric said "No, he pooped!" and we sprang into action.

Trailing behind Dylan in the tub were five small pieces of poo. Eric panicked and pulled him out of the tub. "He's still pooing! There's poo hanging from his bumhole!!" I shouted. Eric plunked Dylan on his feet on the floor, dripping wet in the cold air. The poo continued to come out, so Eric put his hand underneath to try to catch it. The poo overflowed and started to drizzle onto the floor. Eric gave up trying to catch the poo, and so it ran down Dylan's legs. It smelled terrible. As it started to pool on his little chubby feet, Dylan started to cry.

I leapt over both of them and ran to Dylan's room to get some wipes. I came back and Dylan was crying and holding out his arms, trying to climb onto Eric for comfort. Eric got poo on his shorts. We kept saying "It's okay, Dylan, it's okay!!" as we frantically tried to clean off his thighs and feet and bum. Eric finally whisked Dylan off to the stand-up shower in our ensuite, and left me in the room with poo all over the floor, poo-wipes everywhere, and a bathtub full of toys and five small pieces of poo.

It has not been a chill or relaxing Sunday evening.