Sometimes you raise your children with all the best intentions, and despite your efforts you still manage to screw them up in special, mysterious, and inexplicable ways. Then again, sometimes it's crystal clear why your kids are messed up.We're pretty picky about how we eat nowadays. Almost all of our food is organic, we try to eat a lot of raw foods, and we avoid sugar like it's poison. Our friends find us insufferable. Sometimes we'll give in and cheat and we inevitably feel disgusting and sick afterwards because our bodies aren't used to it anymore. Dylan sticks to the same plan, and whenever he manages to get his mitts on some real cake or cookies, he gets crazy eyes and runs around like a child possessed.
Halloween was going to be difficult. He has never eaten so much as a single Smartie in his life, let alone any kind of candy bar and we weren't planning on letting him start. For several weeks leading up to Halloween, we psyched him up for his costume and the decorations and the pumpkins. And while we didn't want him eating candy, we did want to take him trick-or-treating. So we told him trick-or-treating was when you put on your Halloween costume and went outside to people's houses. You ring the doorbell, ding dong!, and someone will come open the door. Then you say "Trick or treat!" and hold out your bag. This is the important part: that person will then put a piece of yucky poison into your bag. When you get home, you'll take out all the poison and give it to Daddy to take to the people at work.
He was pretty down with it. He agreed with everything we said, but I have to admit he looked suspicious.
Last night was Halloween. Dylan and Lee were dressing up like skeletons, and our friends Luke and Cathy were coming over with their new baby Ryan who was also going to be a skeleton. We invited all the grandparents and my brother came over too. We ordered (non-organic evil) pizza and I made (non-organic evil) garlic bread. Cathy was a doll and made an organic fruit salad, and her mom brought homemade (non-organic evil) pumpkin muffins. There was wine and beer and a general orgy of gorging - a gorgy, if you will. After the eating and picture-taking, Dylan went out with Eric and my brother to canvas the neighbourhood for poison.
He had a pretty good time. Eric said that he got excited to go up to the houses, and he enjoyed seeing all the other kids out in their costumes. He was also very intrigued that people were giving him things. With every treat that went in his bag, his childish wisdom and intuition told him that this was something very good, that the so-called poison in his bag was in fact something delicious that he would very much like to put in his mouth.
At one house he got a candy bracelet. As they walked away, he pulled it out of his bag and inspected it closely.
Dylan: Dylan eat?
Eric: No Dylan, it's not for eating.
Dylan: Dylan eat?
Eric: No Dylan, remember it's yucky. It's yucky poison.
Dylan: (dubiously) It looks tasty.
Eric: Does it? I think it looks yucky. Hey look, here's another house!
When he came back home, his little treat bag was full of chocolate and candies and chips. Dylan was so excited he immediately emptied the bag onto the large storage ottoman in the front hall to show us all his loot. We oohed and aahed over his stash of poison. Eric and I stressed that it was not for eating because it was yucky poison while our guests struggled not to intervene. He was especially interested in a bag of Doritos.
Dylan: (hopefully) This is so yummy.
Eric: Oh yuck, no. That's spicy and yucky, and it makes you sick! It makes you throw up!
Dylan picked up a (delicious looking) sour key and held it up.
Dylan: Dylan eat?
Carol: No baby, it's not for eating.
Dylan: Dylan want to eat it?
Carol: Why would you want to eat it? It's not food.
Dylan: (suspects he's being lied to) Dylan want to try?
Carol: No, that's silly. Hey, I know! Let's throw it on the floor and stomp on it! Let's throw it on the floor and stomp on it with our feet because it's so gross, and we can sing Gross Gross Gross Poison!!
Luke pulled me aside later and expressed his concern that if we keep up this campaign, Dylan may one day go to school and throw the other kids' candy on the floor and stomp on it. He makes a valid point.
4 comments:
You are setting your child up to have severe problems in the future. Everything, even candy, is okay in moderation. Your child will eventually have to come in contact and eat candy. It is a fact of life. So by teaching your child that candy is poison they are not only going to be very confused but once they do try candy realize how good it is and want to eat an unhealthy amount. Perhaps a weekly treat (there are organic lollipops) would be a good way to show your child that minimal amounts of candy are okay to have.
also... in case you were thinking this is me being rude/mean, I have a friend who has a severe eating disorder and had to be hospitalized during her third year of University. Her mother constantly taught her that sugar, carbs and fat were bad all the time and she grew up with that mentality creating an unhealthy view of food as being "poison" until she restricted sugar, carbs and fat to the point where she almost died. I am not saying that will happen to your children but you post really struck a cord in that you must teach children that things are okay in moderation and create a healthy relationship with food.
Thanks Anonymous for your comments and your concern. :)
We realized after this Halloween that our strategy of trying to convince our kids that candy is poison isn't sustainable. We are aware that they will inevitably come into munching contact with candy at some point, and we certainly don't want them to have an unhealthy relationship with food. After all, Eric and I both have passionate love affairs with food ourselves, so we would never want to deprive our children of this great joy!
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend, and that sounds like a terrible thing to have happen. We do have a very specific idea of what it means to eat healthy in our world, but in reality we try to balance that with the realities of what our children will face growing up.
Carol
Thanks Anonymous, and also Carol for responding.
While I'm a fan of your quirks, antics, and the outrageously hilarious touch of your blog, this particular entry was very disturbing to me too. I also found it to be a little out of character, since you've written so passionately about all kinds of food in the past.
I understand your family is very conscious about sticking to organic foods etc., but just because something isn't, I'm not sure it's right to disrespect it, especially in front of your children. Food is food, healthy or not. Showing your young ones to respectfully decline an unhealthy choice, or letting them know that you discourage certain eating habits is perhaps a constructive alternative.
I really like what Anonymous said about maintaining a healthy relationship with food, and glad to hear that you agree. Makes us all think a little.
Sincerely,
Anon. 2
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