Good Wife/Bad Wife

We're now almost seven months into our marriage and I'm wondering, how am I scoring on the Good Wife/Bad Wife meter? I really wanted to be a Good Wife. I would feel pretty bad if I ever overheard someone saying to Eric "Shit dude, you've really got a Bad Wife."

You know who's fault this is? It's my friends. My childhood friends are always so quick to defend Eric in everything, and I start to wonder how Bad of a Wife I have to be for my friends to turn on me at the drop of a hat. I'm talking about friends I've known so long, we may as well be cousins.

Like perfect example, my post yesterday about the soup. I wrote what, one sentence about Eric having non-satisfying poo? And my friend Jen, who I've known since before we both had braces, messaged me on MSN almost immediately with "I don't think Eric will appreciate you talking about his poo on your blog."

Completely unprovoked.

Anyway, it turns out that Eric really didn't appreciate me talking about his poo on the blog, but he's okay with it because he loves me and knows I like to talk about poo.

See, it's crap like this that makes people think he's so very good to me and I'm not good to him. I'll bet Eric could strangle a retarded person in front of my friends, and they would go "Aww. Eric's so good with his hands."

Here's what happened from yesterday evening to this morning. I will divide the story into alternating categories.

Why I Think I'm a Good Wife:
When Eric got home, I had timed a nice pasta dinner to come off the stove just right, because I knew he was hungry and was craving pasta. He had just enough time to change out of his work clothes before sitting down to a kiss and a delicious meal. I also brought him a beer, because I know he likes it when I bring him beer. It makes him giddy.

Why I Suspect I May Be a Bad Wife:
I started strongly hinting that he should do the dishes about 3 minutes after we finished eating.

Why I Think I'm a Good Wife:
Eric wanted to watch the Olympics after cleaning the kitchen, and I wanted to read my book. So as a compromise, I decided to read my book on the couch next to Eric while he watched the Olympics so we could be near each other, despite the fact that the tv noise is distracting.

Why I Suspect I May Be a Bad Wife:
I ignored Eric when he tried to talk to me about stuff on the tv. I wasn't watching the tv. Why did he insist on having conversations with me about the US snowboarder when I wasn't watching? Finally, he got the hint and said "I guess I should stop talking to you while you're reading?" And I said without looking up "Yeah, you really should."

Why I Think I'm a Good Wife:
After I finished my book, I went to have a shower and get ready for bed. I've been exhausted lately and my main goal every day is to get to bed early. But then Eric got worked up and started complaining and whining. He complained that I hadn't spent any time with him at all, and he wanted me to watch figure skating with him so we could discuss the individual performances. I felt pretty helpless at this point, because what are you supposed to do when your hetero husband pulls a big-eyed face and guilts you for not watching figure skating with him? My hands were tied. So I had a quick shower, and came out just in time for Plushenko. Together, we watched as Jeff Buttle won the bronze. Eric was happy again, and we kissed and snuggled down into bed together and went to sleep.

Why I Suspect I May Be a Bad Wife:
This morning, Eric sat on the bed after his shower and tenderly stroked my hair.
Husband: "Wake up, sweetie-pie..."
Wife: (wakes up, suddenly not so helpless, starts shouting) "I don't know why the fuck you made me stay up last night to watch figure skating!! I am so GODDAMN TIRED!!!"
Husband: !!!!
Wife: (shouting, near tears) "All I've wanted all week is to get to bed early, I am on my PERIOD! I am BLEEDING between my legs, and because of YOU I've been sleeping late EVERY NIGHT!"
Husband: "I'm sorry, Carol. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to for you?"
Wife: (sarcastic) "Yeah, you could have put some gas in the car for me yesterday!"

Oh yeah, that was another thing, the gas light had come on, but I hate going to the gas station, plus the car was frozen from the freezing rain. So I had driven the car home to thaw in the parking garage, then suggested that Eric go to put gas in the car last night sometime during Weir's long program. He didn't want to, and I guess I was bitter about that.

I guess the the question is "Does this good stuff compensate for this bad stuff?"

As a visual example, does a bride who looks like this:

make up for the fact that the same bride can look like this:

I will end with a spontaneous haiku.

Do good wives awake
Swearing like ill-groomed diseased
Whores? O, I fear not.