Miles to go

It's 11:30pm, and I can't sleep. I feel helpless and frustrated and like all of tomorrow will be ruined. Time was when 11:30pm was laughably early, and the party wasn't due to begin for at least another hour.

Okay, I exaggerate, I was never that cool.

But I got into bed TWO HOURS ago, and I am still awake. Awake and bitter.

I don't deserve this. I had determined today at work that I would go to the gym, no excuses. I was pumped, I felt fat, I needed to DO something about it! I got home, changed into soft formless comfy clothes, and waited for Eric. I read my book. Slowly, my energy faded. I became over-content on the couch. I didn't really want to get up to go anywhere, especially not the gym.

Eric got home at around 5:00pm, saw that I was content with my book on the couch and wisely left me alone. He made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and we ate our snacks together. Then I snuggled into his arms on the couch and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up a half hour later with a mild headache and a definite grumpy feeling not to go to the gym, and I said so. Eric agreed lovingly, and suggested we go for a nice walk instead. Seeing as he had agreed so lovingly, and I had already reneged on my plans, I also agreed lovingly, and went to change my clothes. I put on my bra, zipped up my jeans, and went to brush my hair while I decided what top to wear.

I looked in the mirror. This was my undoing. My torso looked like a plastic bag full of water with a goldfish in it, except there was no goldfish. I moved experimentally, and just like the bag of water, there was a slight delay, and then disturbed jiggling. It was so so depressing.

So long tormented story short, I quickly made up my mind to go to the gym, and even had a disgusting orange protein shake. I worked out quickly and efficiently, and actually did a good job killing my triceps. Then I picked up an aerobics class schedule and decided to go completely OCD crazy about going to the gym, and committing to developing one of those adrenaline addictions I'd heard about, where you keep going to the gym to get that rush. Or is it endorphins? I don't know, it's 11:30pm and all I know is that I was completely ripped off of a perfectly planned and well-deserved good night's sleep.

I want to eat a steak.